I’m glad I’ve given a second chance to some people in my life, but I’m also sorry I gave a chance at all to other people. 

I’m trying to make amends for my foolish mistakes. So far I’m feeling happy and satisfied with the changes that have ocurred in my life and my prayer is that God continues working in it just as he’s done so far :D

After many years of being a loner, I’m learning to distinguish the people I can trust and having to courage to do so. 

The harder I’ve fallen the higher God has taken me. He opened my eyes and my heart to a completly different way of seeing life and facing it. Finally after almost 2 years of crazy changes in my life, of leaving stupid grudges behind, insecurities, fears of facing life, fearing rejection, fearing loneliness… I see a new me in the mirror, Judith 2.0 :D

I thought all the hard times where a deserved punishment for not being as perfect as I was expected (or thought I was expected) to be, but now I see it was God working in my life, teaching me. I got hurt along the way but he healed my wounds. I was disapointed, but he showed me his faithfulness. I tripped many times, but his merciful arms always picked me up again. I was broken at many different levels but God has taken the shattered pieces of me and made me new. Although many things haven’t gone the way I expected them to go, everything has worked together for good (Romans 8:28).

I know I can be a bit annoying with my music, but I love it when I find songs that talk of what I’m going through. These 2 songs fit perfectly with what I’ve gone through.

Hawk Nelson - Every Beat of My Broken Heart (Click to Listen)

Maybe the shattered parts
Are the places where Your love starts
And now I am closer to where You are
With every beat of my broken heart
Mercy is here with me
Even if I can’t see it now
I am closer to where You are
With every beat of my broken heart

So break me all the way
‘Til we are face to face
When Your work in me is through
Then all that’s left is You

Hawk Nelson- A Million Miles Away (Click to listen)

That day, You changed me
And You made my past, my past
All I know is I’m not going back, oh
What’s done is done
What’s gone is gone
You came to right my every wrong
And leave ‘em right where they belong

A million miles away-ay-ay-ayy
And further every day-ay-ay-ayy
Since I met You
Everything that I used to carry
Disappeared in the dust behind me
You took it all, it’s gonna stay
A million miles away

Daft Punk como siempre con su videos raros jajajaja ME ENCANTA! :D

I know the song talks about another way of “getting lucky” but for me: I’m up all night studying and hoping I’ll get lucky with my exams :P

Heard this song thanks to Valter Kabas cover video.

I also really enjoyed Josiah Wilkinson’s gran piano cover

It’s funny how a song can bring up so many memories, especially the memories of situations with a big emotional value.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y67b1e1ajc4

Lazarus is a song that reminds me of my easter vacations. I was going through hard moments and I was really hoping that going away for the holidays would help me. Sadly, except for a couple days, my holidays were not even close to perfect. To try to escape to the problems and thoughts the flooded my mind I’d go for walks, and  I would walk for hours, despite the rain. As I walked I’d listen to music and Lazarus was one of the songs that, for some reason, seemed to fit perfectly with my emotional and mental state. As I listen to it right now, I can almost feel the rain drops rolling down my red checks and my heart pounding in my chest. 

I was in such miserable state to the point that in one of my many walks under the rain I stopped and wrote this down: “When the weather and your feelings match, its almost magical, even if you feel like s**t it’s almost like nature’s screaming out loud “I get it!”… which is great because sometimes no one does…” I wondered, if this was the way my life suposed to be: lonely, quite, a little hazy… On one hand my heart would be protected from getting hurt by anyone and from suffering when someone I loved was going through hard times, I would be free to do whatever I wanted not worrying about the consecuences because I would be the only harmed. But on the other hand my heart felt empty inside and I knew these kind of thoughts wouldn’t take me anywhere, just back to depresion and sadness. 

Anyone who reads the things I write might think I write these things because I like to feel pity for myself or that I try to make others feel sad for me and try to help me, or maybe because I’m trying to prove what a great Christian I am,  but this is not true at all. For starters, I couldn’t care less what people think about me, I’ve never needed the approval of strangers to feel happy with myself, I only need God’s approval and the people that are closest to me (my parents, my brother, my best friend and my pastor) and even if these people turn their back on me the Lord will receive me (Psalms 27:10). I write these things because maybe someone feels the way I felt and knowing it’s posible to come out of that dark tunnel may help them. I also write these things down because sadly we easyly remember good things but we try to forget the hard times. This is a terrible mistake because, how are you supposed to learn from your mistakes and remember the way out (which is always through Christ) if you chose to cover your past? I expose my scars and wounds to prevent others and to remind myself, because sadly many of my scars are caused by the same foolish mistakes and I’m tried of tripping with the same rock, again and again.